.tied up.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

queer

weird.
stumbled upon ted's blinklist thingy.
(don't even remember what it's called)
there was a list of canoeist blogs.
clicked on yours.
not really knowing it was yours.
started reading.
read the archives.
i thank God that He used that period of time to bring you back to Him.
but it felt weird.
reading your thoughts.
and trying to comprehend why you felt that way.
maybe it's something i'll never really understand.
cause we're all made different.
i'm happy the saga's over.
she.
that was who i was to you.
did i not have a name?
did i have to remain nameless.
somehow, i appreciate being rendered nameless.
anonymous is good.
safe.
anyhow,
couldn't you sense the superficial, shallow infatuation in you?
gee.
i probed further.
only to realise you haven't changed much.
my impression of you still remains.
analogous.
.
reinforcement of my sheer enlightenment.
.
i thought about something deeper.
my answer will remain a no.
i've lack that trust in you.
.
i'm meeting del for dinner tomorrow! i'm so happy! i can't wait.
.
i'm meeting pamy to study & hae a swell time shoe shopping! (:
.
i think tomorrow's gonna be a great day.
.
i miss you girls so much.
.
i miss del.
i miss pam.
i chatted a little with chua yesterday.
i refuse to tell her i miss her tons.
but i did anyhow.
i tried talking to boon.
but it didn't work.
i wish boon and i were as close as we were before.
maybe after the exams, everything will be fine.
i doubt it though.
the void's enlarging.
.
talked to alex today.
kinda miss him too.
.
i wish i had the power to maintain friendships.
i don't want a touch and go relationship.
why am i never able to do that.
.
lazy.
that's what i am.
that's why i'm never able to prioritize my time well.
that's why i've often neglected friends.
.
tongue.
that's what drives people away.
that's what makes people love you or hate you.
i think i'm insensitive when i speak.
i shall purpose to think before speaking.
and always try putting myself in other people's shoes.
.
feeling rather.
despondent.
no idea why.
i think the period cycle's kicking in.
i feel it.

[ Jude whispered ][ 1:01 PM ]

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